Silence and Song

It'd break your heart with beauty,

His booming, dangerous voice

Reverberating over the high mount

With smoke and fire cloaked.

As His lawful lyrics

Danced from His holy lips,

With all the others I stood far away

And begged Him not to speak,

For every beat of my dark heart,

Pumping blood like Abel's,

Cried for condemnation.

“Touch and you will die,”

The LORD's voice swirled at Sinai.

After our rebellion

Time and time again,

After all the prophets, all His pleas, our sacrifices then

Silence.

If my conscience dared

Or my ache allowed,

Would I have cried, “Speak! Speak, LORD! Speak!”

And banged upon dark clouds?

He was silent for four-hundred years

Leaving Sinai's song ringing in our ears

Until at last the Sunrise

Set the sky ablaze,

And God's new song resounded strong and sweet, His final Word for always:

Jesus.

And as His blood streams golden

Like a melody,

It speaks a better word than Abel's could,

From wide-armed Calvary,

A round and full and certain word -

Forgiveness of our sins.

The risen Sun of righteousness

Bursts warm from out the clouds

Singing back to God His holy song.

With tender mercy, loud,

He over sickened sinners sings

And flies with healing in His wings.

More Thoughts on Seeing God

And you, child, will be called the prophet of the Most High; 

for you will go before the Lord to prepare his ways,

to give knowledge of salvation to his people 

in the forgiveness of their sins,

because of the tender mercy of our God, 

whereby the sunrise shall visit us from on high

to give light to those who sit in darkness and in the shadow of death,

to guide our feet into the way of peace. (Luke 1:76-79)

      

     One thing I love about winter is the coruscating frost in the warm morning light like God's very own glitter. It is good of Him to give us light when days are short and cloudy. I love how the frost covers everything on the ground, little plants and dead things too, and how joyously the light dances through the cold wetness, like the glistening, merry eyes of someone laughing. And in December mornings as I drive to church with sparkles in my eyes, I think of Christ, our Sunrise, who brings the forgiveness of our sins and light to those who sit in darkness and in the shadow of death.

      How do we write about or even think about these things? God reveals Himself in nature, but according to Romans 1 it is His eternal power and divine nature that we see. We don't open our front doors or wander out in fields and receive specific messages from God. The final word of God is Christ, a light whom the darkness can't overcome (John 1:5). In the Scriptures, God has spoken with finality of the forgiveness of sins in Christ. Yet I don't think it's wrong to see the beauty of God in creation not just abstractly but symbolically, viewing the creation as shadows of true things He has already revealed in the gospel in His Word. God Himself uses creation metaphorically all throughout the Bible to make the realities of our sin and salvation in Christ more clear to us. Yet beauties we see now in creation are not direct messages or even purposeful symbols at that moment from God Himself. We can see reminders of the gospel in them, but they are not signs from God.

      I guess it is easy for us to, on social media and through creative outlets, but also just through our daily lives, use creation and even our own selves as demonstrations of sorts without ending with Christ, the One we're supposedly pointing toward. The whole point of figurative language is to take what we can see and use it to see what we can't see as well. We even devalue metaphors when we get hung up on the symbols or shadows themselves. Again, I have to wonder, if we are trying to see Christ and point others to Christ, how is that done?

      Ultimately, we cannot see Christ unless it is in connection with the law and the gospel. This is how God reveals His Son, who is the precious goal and object of our sight. This means that when we spend all of our energies thinking of His provision of good things, like food or farmland or family, without turning our eyes to our need before Him as sinners and His greatest provision of true food and true drink – Christ's body and blood – we are not honoring Him as we should. Perhaps we are even turning our hearts and the hearts of others to idols instead of the true God and Savior. Should we put so much focus on living our lives before believers and unbelievers as though our lives were some great portrayal of Christ, or should we focus on pushing others to Christ through the law and gospel? Showing Christ through the law and gospel doesn't really have to do with having cute houses or bringing the best beer to the party. In fact, our nice families and moral, supposedly happy lives are not how we are to point others to Christ. Our morality (though we may fail greatly, we will still fight against sin, bear fruit, and do good works) is not what attracts others to Christ. It may convict them as they see their lack of holiness under the law, and this conviction can drive them to Christ, but when we are pointing others to ourselves and our lives as the end goal, we are offering them false saviors and helping them to hope in themselves and earthly things instead of Christ.

      Christ is the Word of God. The gospel is presented to us in words. Words are so important in sharing the truth, much more important than our lives lived out before others. This is comforting for me, because I do a poor job loving others and pointing them to Christ as an example. I am far too unlike Him. But I can use words and say that I am sinful. I can go to Christ and be loved by Him in front of others. I can receive forgiveness and grace from Him in front of others and serve others as a result of that mercy. I can exhort others to turn to Him when they have need and sin. Our God is so powerful. He will receive glory in His people even in our sin, because He will still be there to save us. And it will be so sweet to stand in heaven with so many other justified and even glorified sinners who sin no more and see that He carried us the whole way and that His mercy was so expansive, enough for so many people.

      I want to learn more and more how to use words like God uses them, how He uses metaphors and figurative language to point us to Christ, and how Christ is God's final word. Christ is our end, whom we see through the law and gospel laid out in Scripture. If earthly things can help us understand these things more clearly, they are valuable for us to use, just as God Himself uses them. And it is beautiful to me, more beautiful than the earthly blessings God gives, that He loves us and shows us mercy even when we abuse these blessings and focus on them instead of Him. It's beautiful that when we live the glory story and point others to ourselves, Christ stands able to save us and others. We would wrap ourselves in shadows, but our Father sent Christ, the sun who rises with healing in His wings, to bear away our sins.

The Sunrise

Though we sit in darkness

And in death’s shadow lie,

Mercy comes from heaven,

The Sunrise from on high.

See the baby Jesus,

Who in a manger lies.

He’ll speak peace to sinners

When on the Cross He dies.

Because of tender mercy

He cannot lift a limb.

For this He left His throne and

All the seraphim.

In joy we can’t imagine

Jesus used to dwell,

But He comes from heaven

To take upon our hell.

He does not belong here;

He is far too pure,

But for wretched sinners

The Cross He will endure.

This babe dispelled the shadows

We for ourselves had made.

He conquered death forever

When down His life He laid.

 

Artists of the Cross

For a month, the world has been trembling with color, the sky has been swirling with chiaroscuro, and I have been thinking about art. I've been singing with My Epic:

I can't sing that song the same way anymore
'cause I start laughing at the parts where I could only weep before
And it sounds sweeter now because the notes can't ring
until they echo through each wasted year that You restored to me

I've been thinking of how You wept for Lazarus
Tears on Your cheeks, resurrection on Your lips
Sometimes mercy can feel like abandonment
But You know all about it

I used to think I had to write these songs just so
For heavens sake and for my own I put myself through hell
But I quit striving for perfection surrendered up to it instead
And now the songs keep pouring out and I cannot contain myself

I've been thinking of how You wept for Lazarus.
Tears on Your cheeks, resurrection on Your lips
(Broken will)
Sometimes mercy feels just like abandonment
(Find your rest / Broken voice)
You let my heart die, but left Yours beating in my chest
(You sing best)

At 30,000 feet above, the earth was small enough to think of everyone I love
And then imagine them a thousand mirrors all reflect it back at once
and any light would multiply and then remind me
that Your love is more than the sum (“Lazarus”)

It seems like we create the most beautiful art, or at least the truest art, when we are caught up in something outside of the art itself. Writers seem to glorify narcissism sometimes. It seems like we give a lot of energy to contemplating our art, what it is, how to improve it. This isn't a bad thing, but I often find in myself a focus on creating instead of on my motivation for creating. I think this perfectionism is the result of what Luther called a theology of glory. I am trying to control my own success (defined by my own standards instead of God's) instead of trying to show Christ. How does one show Christ, in art or in anything? It seems like everything we touch we ruin. On this side of heaven then, how do we reflect Him?

For a Christian, a theology of glory is disturbing and the complete opposite of what He wants for us. We show Christ best when we decrease and He increases. This means our most beautiful and true art will be the art created at the mercy seat of God, covered in the blood of Christ. This means we as Christians and artists must admit our deep need and sinfulness, but this doesn't mean we glorify sin or wear our brokenness as a badge of honor. Our Beloved died for this. It does mean that we lose ourselves in Christ. For unbelievers, art seems centered on self-discovery and self-expression. For believers, though, art is displaying the beauty of another. The notes that ring the sweetest are the ones that echo through our years of sin and His grace in its face. When we surrender to this, to all we are not and yet to all He is, is when we create best. Broken voice, you sing best, and in the end is Christ. We are mirrors, and He is the light shining in us. At least on this side of heaven, I think we show Him best by being loved by Him. We are artists of the cross.

I can imagine Jesus, shadows and light playing some sort of rubato all over His face, with tears in His eyes and resurrection on His lips. Just as leaves are the most radiant when they are dying, we see His beauty at the cross. We reflect His beauty best when we embrace the cross, not even of suffering for Him, but of agreeing with Him that we are sinful and helpless, but that His cross is enough to save us. And let us not forget that there is sunlight and there is spring.

Book Review of The Choir Immortal

      Most of the books I enjoy, fiction and non-fiction, are 100+ years old, and the Christian market doesn't offer much to my taste. As Christians, I believe our storytelling should be more Christ-centered. We have peace with God through Christ, which is something no other religion or belief-system has, and it is sad that our art isn't more saturated with this message. At the same time, I want to interact with current, living authors and their work. I recently discovered Katie Schuermann's novel The Choir Immortal, and it excited me, because she not only does she tell a sweet story, she reminds readers of the gospel in the process.

      Katie's book centers around the body of Zion Lutheran Church and chronicles their struggles, sins, and joys together. The characters and themes in this book are decidedly Lutheran. Though I am not Lutheran, I and many in my church body have benefited from certain Lutheran teachings, and with its themes of forgiveness, eternal life, and peace in trials, The Choir Immortal appealed to me even as a non-Lutheran. Her flawed but loving characters endeared me as they continually brought their sins and trials to the foot of Christ's cross, and Katie masterfully weaves the sorrows of Zion's people with their joy and rest in Him. Far from didactic, this novel presents real people with a real Savior who receive from His hand both good and hard times. Oftentimes, books with lively characters in sweet small towns are unrealistic, a bit “too good to be true.” With its focus on small town life and its vivid character development, Katie's work has been likened to L.M. Montgomery's Anne of Green Gables, a comparison that attracted me to her work. However, The Choir Immortal contains a realism that the Anne series lacks. That realism is an acknowledgment of the cursed nature of this world and the people in it coupled with the freedom and life we have in Christ. Katie doesn't turn a blind eye to sin and its consequences, but she does offer hope. She provides a legitimate answer for joy. The way her characters have hope and peace even amid trials truly blessed me, because it pointed me to the facts that God is our good Savior and one day we will be with Him. In the words of Zion's choir director Emily, we are in “the hands of a loving God” (257).

      One of the most poignant ways Mrs. Schuermann brings the themes of God's goodness and our safety in Christ to light is through the hymns she uses throughout the novel. These are songs Zion's choir sings together, and their meaning seems two-fold. First, the hymns themselves directly relate to the circumstances the people of Zion face and comfort them in Christ. This hymn in particular greatly encouraged me:

Why should cross and trial grieve me?

Christ is near

With His cheer;

Never will He leave me.

Who can rob me of the heaven

That God's Son

For me won

When His life was given?

When life's troubles rise to meet me,

Though their weight

May be great,

They will not defeat me.

God, my loving Savior, sends them;

He who knows

All my woes

Knows how best to end them.

God gives me my days of gladness,

And I will

Trust Him still

When He sends me sadness.

God is good; His love attends me

Day by day,

Come what may,

Guides me and defends me. (LSB 756:1-3, found on page 101)

      As the people of Zion receive grace from God through song, readers are also reminded and comforted with the good news. I found myself singing along literally and figuratively. At the same time, Katie weaves musical language and culture throughout the novel. Quite a few scenes take place at choir rehearsal and multiple characters work as musicians. However, by the end of the story, readers are aware that the music and the choir are not just backdrops for the plot; the believers of Zion are part of a living choir, a church that is larger than themselves, singing on earth and in heaven, “To Him who loves us and has freed us from our sins by His blood and made us a kingdom, priests to His God and Father, to Him be glory and dominion forever and ever. Amen” (Revelation 1:5). Describing polyphonic music, Martin Luther wrote, “How strange and wonderful it is that one voice sings a simple unpretentious tune while three, four, or five other voices are also sung; these voices play and sway in joyful exuberance around the tune.”* The voices of Zion dance joyfully with many other voices around the same tune. By the end of the story, Christian readers realize that they too are part of this choir, singing with all God's people of the glories of Christ and His triumph over sin and death.

As a note, a non-Christian character says what many would consider a curse word on page 131. I believe it is within Mrs. Schuermann's Christian liberty to portray her character using this language, but I wanted readers to be aware in case it bothers any of their consciences.

*Quote found in this article - http://thirdmill.org/articles/joh_barber/PT.joh_barber.Luther.Calvin.Music.Worship.html

Some Autumn Leaves

Fingertips crush

geranium leaves.

The leaves grieve

pungent,

releasing roses

into the polluted air.

The rolling sky

lilts

between clouds

and sun.

Vibrant leaves

die

like a majestic

whisper

that it won't always be this way.

As Scripture says,

as surely as

we died

with Christ,

we live

to God

in Him.

For the Love of American Sycamores

The sycamores peel silver as

A man who, weak, old, wrinkled, has

Seen autumn's chill and settled in

To Christ who cleanses of all sin.

The wind births in their limbs a song.

Leaves rustle crackled, crinkled, strong,

And trembling, warm and soft they sing

As if they're falling into spring.

Annie, Ann, and Seeing God

      I spent a night at the beach a few weeks ago and lay out on a rooftop deck watching the stars breathe out and in. They twinkle with a sort of a heartbeat, a pulse. I tried to spot constellations, but stars are dizzying. As I focused on one star at a time, I wondered if they moved or if I just imagined such dancing. Shivering a little under my blanket, I felt lonely in the quietness, vastness, and other-ness of the sky. I wonder how many stars there are that we just cannot see. “The heavens declare the glory of God, and the sky above proclaims His handiwork” (Psalm 19:1). His hand is over the still and steady sparkle of the stars.

       He has created so much good, like wild beach heather, whispering dune grass, warm cappuccino waves, swirled blue skies, and sun that “comes out like a bridegroom leaving his chamber, and, like a strong man, runs its course with joy” (Psalm 19:5). But waves crash unpredictably, and I can't see the end of the sea. Its “waters roar and foam” and “the mountains tremble at its swelling” (Psalm 46:3). I've been thinking a lot lately of how the natural world fits into our continual seeing of God. Nature is a precious tool, and God uses it throughout Scripture to point us to Himself. At the same time, there is so much that general revelation can't say. Even being out in nature, we can feel excluded, and general revelation makes no promises and gives no assurances. Creation is big and beautiful, but it does not welcome us into the dance (Lewis 40).

      We can't know that God is on our side from bare creation. In A Pilgrim at Tinker Creek, Annie Dillard poignantly paints the unpredictability of nature and our separation from its Creator. Throughout the whole book, she tries to make sense of the death and seemingly senseless pain in the natural world, even in relation to small things, like insects, and she tries to reconcile this pain with the life and seemingly senseless beauty found in these same things. She questions the reader and puts God in the dock, wondering if He is duping us. “Or is beauty itself an intricately fashioned lure, the cruelest hoax of all? […] Could it be that if I climbed the dome of heaven and scrabbled and clutched at the beautiful cloth till I loaded my fists with a wrinkle to pull, that the mask would rip away to reveal a toothless old ugly, eyes glazed with delight?” (255). She watches Tinker Creek, “waters of beauty and mystery,” which are also “waters of separation: they purify, acrid and laving, and they cut me off” (256). She writes of the Biblical waters of separation, the cleansing rites of the priests, purifying the people so that they might draw near to God. “This special water purifies. A man – any man – dips a sprig of hyssop into the vessel and sprinkles – merely sprinkles! - the water upon the unclean, 'upon him that touched a bone, or one slain, or one dead.' So. But I never signed up for this role. The bone touched me” (256). Here Dillard reveals what all men know. We cannot draw near to God on our own; we must be purified. At the same time, she questions God for the brokenness and accursedness of this world, because she refuses to admit her sin. Creation is cursed and its Creator is against us because we have sinned. Just so, we have all touched the bone.

      In the face of a Creator God who is outside of us, who is glorious and just, Dillard must lie to herself for comfort. (“If I am a maple key falling, at least I can twirl” (257).) She is absolutely right that the “universe was not made in jest but in solemn incomprehensible earnest,” yet there is no assurance for us in creation or in our sinful selves that this earnestly beautiful God is for us (259). “Shadow Creek” cannot comfort sinners (260).

      More than shadows, we have Jesus Christ and the Word of God. His incarnation, death, and resurrection speak of nearness to our Creator, peace for His enemies. General revelation can show us a glorious God exists, but it cannot bring us near to Him; such knowledge only condemns us. Though creation can speak of a glorious Creator, it alone excludes sinners from Him, because He is far more glorious and perfect than we are. So I am so glad that He has given us His gospel, a clear message of the cleansing blood of Christ that speaks a better word than the blood of Abel (Hebrews 12:24). Contrary to Dillard's waters, this blood of sprinkling does not separate us from God, but through it Christ secures our “eternal redemption. For if the blood of goats and bulls, and the sprinkling of defiled persons with the ashes of a heifer, sanctify for the purification of the flesh, how much more will the blood of Christ, who through the eternal Spirit offered Himself without blemish to God, purify our conscience from dead works to serve the living God” (Hebrews 9:12-14). “Therefore, brothers, since we have confidence to enter the holy places by the blood of Jesus, by the new and living way that He opened for us through the curtain, that is, through His flesh, and since we have a great high priest over the house of God, let us draw near with a true heart in full assurance of faith, with our hearts sprinkled clean from an evil conscience and our bodies washed with pure water” (10:19-22).

       Following in the footsteps of Dillard, Ann Voskamp, author of One Thousand Gifts, writes of many spiritual experiences she received through nature and the world around her, like traveling to Paris to “make love to God” (Voskamp 201).* From the excerpts I have read of her book and the pieces I have read on her blog, I've found a lack of Christ and clear cut gospel (particularly discussion of sin, not imperfection or weakness or piles of dirty dishes or overdue library books, but downright sin and the forgiveness of it). While I don't mean to review Voskamp's work, I find this type of thinking dangerous and infected with lies. God's blessings cannot provide the comfort and joy for us that Christ, our Savior, does. As the enemy works to blind us to the light of the glory of the gospel of Christ (2 Corinthians 4:4), I think it is sad that we seek communion with Him more in shadows instead of the substance of His Word and gospel. It is not that shadows are bad, but it is that shadows are not where we see Him best. With only shadows, we are outcasts. It is at the cross that we find peace with Him, and it is there that we see His glory shining the brightest. Living in a cursed world with so much sin around us and dealing day by day with indwelling sin, we need these starry sights of Him in the gospel.

      Because of Christ and His cross, I can enjoy glimpses of a Creator who is both transcendent and immanent. The stars dizzy me, but they twinkle like the heartbeat my loving Father put within my chest. I think God wants Christians to see His lavish, almost wasteful, beauty in His creation and be reminded not just that He is beautiful, but that He is for us. I think He wants us to see all things in connection with the grace He has lavished upon us as He has revealed the truth of His gospel to us (Ephesians 1:7-10). “God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear though the earth gives way, though the mountains be moved into the heart of the sea” (Psalm 46:1-2). Beauty smiles, and it is to welcome us. He has marked us and engraved our names in the palms of His hands (Lewis 40, Isaiah 49:16). Our greatest communion with God is not through creation or His gifts to us but through the Word, sacraments, and prayer as He reminds us of the gospel. We are loved by and love God at the foot of the cross as He freely blesses us with faith in His Son. We see Him best on this side of heaven not in shadows, but in seeing our sin forgiven and His arms open wide to welcome us because of not our work, but Christ's.

Dillard, Annie. Three by Annie Dillard. New York: Harper Perennial, 1991.

Lewis, C.S. The Weight of Glory. San Francisco: HarperSanFrancisco, 2001.

Voskamp, Ann. One Thousand Gifts. Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 2010. *I accessed this quote through a detailed review by Bob DeWaay on this site - http://www.cicministry.org/commentary/issue120.htm. I haven't read the book personally, but from this review and others, along with reading some of her material myself on her blog, I think my explanation of her ideas is accurate. For a helpful review, see http://www.fightingforthefaith.com/2014/01/mystical-estrogen.html

Man Curved Inward on Himself

Homo incurvatus in se,
like a top-heavy sunflower
hanging its head.
This gravity pulls
like a current too strong,
and my efforts only tighten the noose
that I've tangled 
and tangled 
around my own neck.
I curve hunchback from the weight
of myself, sin, and works.

But You are.
You will carry,
You will bear,
and You will save.
This cross is not too heavy
for such a priest as You.

You. You. You. You.
    You. You. You.

Your blood runs too strong for me,
and I am pulled, unfurled, and freed
by insurmountable grace
that I must bow and receive.

A Few Thoughts on Dependence

      Summer is so fertile and alive. Soybean fields stretch in green ruffles, corn grows up into a forest, farmers pile hay into beds, and there is green on green all over. Green soybean leaves against green trees and green vines and green bushes and green grass. And all the green and all the crops and all the world hangs on Him who waters “its furrows abundantly, settling its ridges, softening it with showers, and blessing its growth. You crown the year with your bounty; your wagon tracks overflow with abundance. The pastures of the wilderness overflow; the hills gird themselves with joy” (Psalm 65:10-12).

     God is gracious to strip us of the things we use to secure our good. It doesn't always feel like grace. It can feel like panic, like loneliness, like drowning, like “evils have encompassed me beyond number; my iniquities have overtaken me, and I cannot see; they are more than the hairs of my head; my heart fails me” (Psalm 40:12). We cradle high thoughts of ourselves, unwilling to admit our guilt and helplessness. Because we fear being left entirely to Christ and His work, we sing lullabies of lies to quiet our consciences. When I think about my sin, I fear, because I can't fix it or control it. If I am worried, I tell myself the gospel not so that I might believe the truth, but so that I might control my unpleasant emotions. Polluted, I use Him to feel better, and I'm sinning just as much. Nothing I do is good enough to please Him or secure joy for myself. Nothing you do is good enough. We ruin everything, and sin spirals out of control. As I think about my sin, sometimes I want to pull out my hair, and sometimes I want to run outside in the rain and let it pound and sting and clean me. Eventually, we come to the end of ourselves, and there is no where else that we can go but to Christ. (The whole Christian life is a continual coming to the end of ourselves and coming to Christ.) “When iniquities prevail against me, you atone for our transgressions. Blessed is the one you choose and bring near, to dwell in your courts! We shall be satisfied with the goodness of your house, the holiness of your temple!” (Psalm 65:3-4)

      In every chloroplast, sunbeam, and raindrop, He has wrapped us up in reminders of His goodness and our dependence. And it is the safest, most beautiful thing to hang on Christ who atones for our transgressions, the sin that is too strong for us, that has gone over our heads. He takes that sin and rains down blood instead, blood that is so different from our polluted efforts, pure and sufficient blood that can cleanse our consciences from dead works to serve the living God (Hebrews 9:14). 

 

Paintings, "Landscape at Auvers in the Rain" and "Haystacks Under a Rainy Sky," by Vincent van Gogh, accessed from Wikipedia

The Scapegoat

He laid his heavy hands on you,
and so you went
alone, outside the camp.

I wonder if you stumbled down
a cloudy mount,
for this day's full of clouds,

Cloaks for things we cannot see,
we cannot see.
I wonder, do you live?

And as you roamed that wasted land
or cloudy mount,
did your heart burn for home?

And did you bear my sins away?
My heart recoils
as I smell still crackling fat.

Azazel.

For since the law has but a shadow of the good things to come instead of the true form of these realities, it can never, by the same sacrifices that are continually offered every year, make perfect those who draw near. Otherwise, would they not have ceased to be offered, since the worshipers, having once been cleansed, would no longer have any consciousness of sins? But in these sacrifices there is a reminder of sins every year. For it is impossible for the blood of bulls and goats to take away sins. [...]
 And every priest stands daily at his service, offering repeatedly the same sacrifices, which can never take away sins. But when Christ had offered for all time a single sacrifice for sins, he sat down at the right hand of God, waiting from that time until his enemies should be made a footstool for his feet. For by a single offering he has perfected for all time those who are being sanctified. And the Holy Spirit also bears witness to us; for after saying,

“This is the covenant that I will make with them

after those days, declares the Lord:

I will put my laws on their hearts,

and write them on their minds,”

then he adds,

“I will remember their sins and their lawless deeds no more.”

Where there is forgiveness of these, there is no longer any offering for sin.

Therefore, brothers, since we have confidence to enter the holy places by the blood of Jesus, by the new and living way that he opened for us through the curtain, that is, through his flesh, and since we have a great priest over the house of God, let us draw near with a true heart in full assurance of faith, with our hearts sprinkled clean from an evil conscience and our bodies washed with pure water. Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who promised is faithful. (Hebrews 10:1-4, 11-23)

**picture from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:William_Holman_Hunt_-_The_Scapegoat.jpg

A Septet on the Father of Lights

I'm all steadfast shadows,
Double-minded, turning where my doubt blows.
Bent as I've been on turning,
Your tender heart is yearning
With an endless morn of One
Never setting Sun.
     I awake, and I am still with You.

7 My people are bent on turning away from me, and though they call out to the Most High, he shall not raise them up at all.

8 How can I give you up, O Ephraim? How can I hand you over, O Israel? How can I make you like Admah? How can I treat you like Zeboiim? My heart recoils within me; my compassion grows warm and tender. (Hosea 11:7-8)

40 I will make with them an everlasting covenant, that I will not turn away from doing good to them. And I will put the fear of me in their hearts, that they may not turn from me.

41 I will rejoice in doing them good, and I will plant them in this land in faithfulness, with all my heart and all my soul. (Jeremiah 32:40-41)

5 If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him.

6 But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind.
7 For that person must not suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord; 
8 he is a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways.

16 Do not be deceived, my beloved brothers.

17 Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change. 
18 Of his own will he brought us forth by the word of truth, that we should be a kind of firstfruits of his creatures. (James 1:5-8, 16-18)

Good Friday

I drove by a lake cloaked in fog and imagined a man drowned there. Sometimes doubt cloaks my mind, far heavier than fog, thoughts that You're a miser, a sadist, a tyrant. I like to pick my scabs to the irrational scarring of my skin, blood under my fingernails, bitten low. Perhaps it's the control. Sometimes the sight of my own blood makes me woozy, like the thought of drawing it out with a piercing needle. Maybe that's control too. I want control and I want freedom and the two are like oil and water.

There was a heavy weight on Your shoulders, far heavier than I know. Did it feel like You were drowning when You hung there so, pushing Yourself up, scraping Your raw back against the wood, struggling for a gasp of air, for life, His smile? I will never know it, never bear it. What was it like for you, a free bird, to be bound? As the blood flowed out and Your heart beat frantic, did water gather around Your heart in sacs full and ready to burst? You were thirsty.

On my way home that day it started to rain, the heavy spring way. It was Good Friday. This day, Father, You did not spare Your Son. This day blood rained down from Your forehead and into Your dearest eyes, and there was no one to wipe them for You. This day life poured out of You. This day, like the water and blood that ran freely from Your pierced side, the floodgates of free love ran pure and clean and just, clean wetness running, rushing, as a river from Your open side. This day You spared nothing. This day You gave everything. This day You purchased my freedom; I'm no longer under law but under grace. This day the temple was torn in two, from top to bottom. This day is for freedom, for knowledge, for nearness. Keep me in this freedom of knowing; to know You is eternal life.

On a River in a Valley

Morn after morn

the sun comes blood red
over the mount

to the Valley of Trouble,

Muddy and turbid.

Lamb after lamb -

You break its neck, and it breaks your knees

to stand in the land with your hands

Covered in blood of the innocent dead.

The acid stains eat at your peace,

Feast at your peace with God,

and burn up your skin

into festering sores.

What hope is there

for the leprous soul,

the adulterous soul,

the traitor of God?

“Lord, if you will, you can make me clean.”

The blood of the Son flows in rivers of red,

as He drowns in the wrath of God.

His heart is spilling,

Dousing the sinning in

Cleansing blood.

“I AM WILLING!”

He rises and

the Valley of Achor

is a door of Hope.